Tag Archives: gender

Half-Time Pep Talk; guys, gather ’round


In the immortal words of the great Descartes:

I am stupid…  therefore, I’m a man!

See, now I’m processing whether I should even dedicate a whole blog post to this.   Because if I do, I become the town crier whining-about, over what most men who come across it welcome a lovable affirmation of their own typical brute.  Sure, the majority of us will recognize Dr. Pepper’s Power 10 commercial as ‘tasteless‘, but see qualms that act no deeper than ‘fun and game‘.   Which lends me to projections of  “soft” and “sensitive” for so much as giving it an extra thought.

Me?  THINK??   < The audacity..   I’m a guy!

Plus..  my  caption for it probably does more to tap on that rigid mental than would a full on exploration into the social psychology which conditions us to reinforce such shallow depictions of Men; depreciates a Women’s capacity to share space in a traditionally male world.   Only, I’m afraid there are far too few of us who’d be insulted being exposed to the possibility we may have come all this way in life, without ever realizing just how (how could I say this..)  un-evolved we show to be; just how much credit, beyond that which we deserve, we give ourselves.


Let me put it out there that I, for one, happen to enjoy romantic comedies. 



Get clear brothers, I’m not talking myself up, I’m not speaking for Women.. I’m speaking for US.  And not in the way we do when one of us start a statement with: “I think I speak for all men when I say…”   No, this is not that.   We don’t need another alpha ego stepping up to cajole our rowdy response to the opportunity he saw to take; stepping up to be THE MAN in the room, just as the rest of us were settling down to listen.

(( sit back down “fuck these hoes” guy..  please find your seat Mr. “Long as they don’t bring it around me.” ))

I ain’t necessarily saying you need to start looking at the sky like it’s the ground and the ground like it’s the sky;

_you ain’t going to hear me advocate you run out and get a pedicure right now. although, it’s a Sunday, you got off and yo’ shit is busted.. why the hell not

_i’m not interested in you going out of your way to find a Woman who can bench press as much as you do. don’t let me find out the only Firewoman in town is suddenly having to avoid stalkers   *fellas, keep it together*

_i don’t care about the check you’re going to write out in the name of gender equality.  What you do in the bedroom (in the name of gender equality) is not my business…


But it is high time for us to have a conversation on just how comfortable we are allowing ourselves to be defined and represented, by our lack of depth in everything from domestic (cooking, cleaning),  to personal (hygiene, diet), to social (emotion, communication) survival skills.   And by the same coin how UN-comfortable we remain, with re-considering how we engage ourselves and how we engage others  in respects to identity/lifestyle as indiscriminate matters of choice.

Hell, it’s time we have a conversation about our discomfort with having a conversation, period! 

We’d love to be able to write off the Dr. Pepper Power of 10 commercial as a ridiculous marketing ploy.   We’d love to equate it analogous to English Royalty; parody on a dated legacy; slide our hands into our own jaws, show it has no teeth.   But if that were the case, why then do companies continue to use sexism to sell their products;  why haven’t they stopped using sports networks, and targeting audiences on football sundays, to sell beer and beef jerky using scantily clad Women and big wheeled trucks???    Something about these concepts perpetuating violence, misogyny, and homophobia must be proving beneficial to those putting them out there…


There are those amongst us who pose that it isn’t the media generating these dynamics of oppression, that it is we ourselves being violent, misogynistic, homophobic, and that markets are simply being wise to exploit our condition;  holding up a mirror;  doing it in a humorous way.   To a certain extent these points are valid.  I as a 30 year old man neither feel inclined to buy beer because somebody told me to be a man and do it!   Nor will I walk out the door tomorrow, having fixed myself to be more like the guys in the commercial because they like beer.   ..But what about the impressionable youth?  Doesn’t the plausibility that that which is given precedence in the media  will bare an influence on society, increase, when messages inferring what it is to be a man (insensitive, intolerant) and what it is to be a woman (sexualized, quiet yet bubbly) are being absorbed by the boy who will tell his friend to BE A MAN!  When he is in mourning or feeling humiliated?


You may feel we ought to expect that not everything being projected by the media will be respectful towards diversity, not everything will be compassionate towards our  emotional and psychological impulses.   But are there boundaries we ought be mindful to keep?  Is there a measure of accountability any entity must face, if not to the law, to your own personal or your communal sensibilities of right and wrong??


Miller Lite has been running a “Man-Up” campaign which airs commercials framing an “Un-Manly” thing the men in each respective spot reflect on one of them having done.   In one of the commercials we are aired a flash-back to a gentleman bawling out tears before his girlfriend;  he repeats “I can’t do this.  I can’t do this.” slumping his head over rejected shoulders.   Two of the commercials question a man for what he is wearing (in one a scarf, in the other: skinny jeans), and two others mock a man who would exhibit fear (in one a man is screaming on a roller coaster, in another, he is anxious for someone to take the fish off his line).   And if Miller Lite is putting out that it is not “manly” to be hurt in a relationship, or that it is not “manly” to be nervous, then by in large it is not only limiting to men, it is limiting to Women..  It must be ‘womanly’ to be nervous and thus we can see how Women learn to depend on men for strength.  It must be ‘womanly’ to be hurt in relationships, so in turn, women who DON’T allow themselves to live at the affect of heartbreak become heartless ‘bitches’.



The relationship we assume to the mediums responsible for informing our reality, determine the power we have to maintain a grasp and mold of our own making on it.   Sure there is an element of entertainment we can prosper from being open to enjoying, in whatever it is we take in.   But to omit any and all angles for sociocultural critique is to befall the reality of a robot.   We become consumers in our homes, in our minds;  we disconnect from our humanity.

There is something valuable, that we have yet to recognize as men, about standing for being recognized and appreciated for our intimate qualities.   We open up to allow young brothers around us to transform who they are at an earlier age than we did, and thus empower them to impact the world around them in ways we will not be able to imagine until we witness them do it.   We give our elders the privilege of watching humanity continue to evolve via our very actions, in their lifetime.


When a world class football player is a boy, he wants to be like his idol.  He begins his life in the game, performing in emulation of what he has seen on television.   But before long, he recognizes that he will not be successful watching himself be that idol;  running from outside his body, dodging competition in choreographed step.   At some point he begins to recognize mechanisms that work for HIM, he begins to acquaint himself with techniques that draw him closer to himself as a prospective athlete.  He felt how the balls of his feet twisted off the ground when he recorded his record time;  he aims to reproduce and master that motion.  He feels the muscles of his thigh disjointing and pulling together, meticulously, and knows he is doing something right, as he looks left and right to see he has left all other sprinters behind him.

We see a game…   But he –

he feels the wind, smells the grass, hears his own calculations.

When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things    1 Corinthians 13:11


we are men

because we don’t need to be reminded that we are.


” Why do all the girls have to buy pink stuff and, the boys have to buy different color stuff ??? “



CLOSE!  But no, it’s not Eleanor Roosevelt.   The silky locks and white dress you are observing are actually that of her husband, President FRANKLIN Roosevelt, at the age of 3.   (Were it Eleanor, she’d probably have on pants)  ;-D

Surely you were looking at a girl.  Not a thought that passed between your eyes chanced at her being a president;  she had to be an actress or a singer.

Upon being informed that this is a portrait of a little boy, you feel the need to request I provide a confirming source (google FDR and skirt, you’ll get a whole host of pages).  Upon accepting that this indeed is the four term giant, you are questioning whether his parents were gay or just weird.. orrr you’ve got a fairly accurate grasp of history and recognize that a) the photo is way too dated for it to have anything to do with a psychedelic Volts Wagon van,  and  b) there have been past times and places in which it were commonplace for a male to wear a dress.

When I came across this video I couldn’t help but be impressed by the job her parents have done in empowering little Riley to think outside of the imaginary box we set our girls up to live their reality into.  I couldn’t help but marvel at how much intelligence she exudes, not just in her critical reasoning, but in how it shows through her physical and emotional expression.  She is sorting out  stale impositions  we internalize as ‘social norms’ under the order of a patriarchal society.  I had some idea of gender roles as  constructs (made up) at some point in my mid-teens (began taking the macho less serious, cross dressing in the crib for fun, etc.), but my understanding was vague and for the most part amateurish as compared to how it is articulated by this child.

I bring to reference such historical examples of androgyny as  FDR’s baby pics, some of the traditional garb of African and Amerindian tribesmen, the Irish kilt, etc. not to offer the nostalgic as something to emulate, but something to examine in relation to our *fixed* notions of femininity/masculinity; so that we may gain clarity as to how it is WE  who are fixed.. and not the concept of what is feminine and what is masculine.  And when something is fixed in place, whether it be an idea, a feeling, a visual, an object; we are dis-empowered to have choice in relation to our engagement with it; it is what it is we assume, it will be what it will be.   A lack of choice = a lack of freedom = a lack of power.

Raising our children to exercise choice does not look like you taking them to the pink isle then asking them what they want…   It starts with exposing them to all of the colors in the crayon box before they can control the drool from coming out of their mouths, and being open to allowing them *options*.   It constitutes us as parents being secure enough to teach our children to relate to their toys in the practical manner to which we began relating when we matured;  boys could use the skills that come with receiving an EasyBake Oven or a Dollhouse..  just as we as grown men have come to relate to cooking and raising a family not as some ‘girl shit’ but as a practice in responsibility and survival, you teach your boy that cooking in the oven and managing the family in the house makes them responsible!   Imagine your child being old enough to go shopping with you, and running off to something they can give you a totally mature reason for selecting…

If you are sitting there shaking your head on some ‘I want my child to be a child’ you are missing the point!   The point is, it becomes a matter of buying what the commercial tells them to, when we’ve allowed it to become that..  it becomes a matter of getting what all the other boys are getting when we allow it to get there…   It doesn’t have to be a discussion on what is the newest hottest, or what are boys buying vs what are girls buying.  The choices your children make actually CAN and consider that they SHOULD manifest inside of an intelligent processing of what they know will consume them, that occurs with a full awareness as to HOW it will consume them!

Consumerism in a capitalist society is the meter which  exhibits what our values prove to be.  You want to know where the psychology of America is in 2011 look at what we’re buying!  It is no wonder Riley is able to have such conviction behind the assertion that ‘they’ are trying to ‘trick’ her;  look at the shelves which surround her in that isle.. how many options is she afforded?  In terms of color it is clear she’s got one choice: pink.  What else is the market reinforcing?  More than because her father has taught her to, she is challenging the role society is pigeon holing her into because it is forced upon her, because she can see it, hear it, smell it, touch and feel it.   For all daddy knows he could have hid the truth of such gender fallacies to ‘protect her from alienation’, only to have her grow into a teenager who recognizes her repressed reality for what it is ANYWAY, then turn around and resent him for it.

. . .

I’ve thought very deeply on such dynamics, as I myself am a father to a four year old girl.  Because I am a non-custodial parent, living five states north and thus baring a great deal less influence on her rearing than her mother does, you could say I’ve lost sleep over it.   Nadia is an intelligent, athletically inclined child with an abstract wit and tough streak a conventional parent  might squirm discomfort with.  But she is also, to my judgement, hyper-feminine and she’s been conditioned so with full intention by her mother.  She is obsessed with weddings and fairy tales and she’d love nothing more than a make-up kit to occupy her time.  It’s not just her mom neither.  Heck, I as a man am without a doubt reinforcing her understanding of ‘her place’ in ways I haven’t even been conscious to, if in fact it weren’t the case that there’ve been instances that I WAS aware of, but simply overlooked for the sake of convenience (yes, I’ve got to check myself).

Riley has me reflecting on how I must move forward in restoring some balance to her sense of autonomy and control over her identity.   Last summer she caught a crying fit when her cousins came over to visit, wearing dresses, on a day she happened to be dressed in jeans.  She simply wouldn’t stop until we changed her into a dress.   …I need her to be more independent than that, I want her to value her mind and to respect her body in whatever manner she should so have processed and CHOSEN to honor them..  simply, I want her to be capable of distinguishing that she can    p r o c e s s   these things, beyond conformity/  even if it means she still chooses to conform!   I want her to never feel like she has to dumb down, look a certain way, restrict her conversations and actions, to be acceptable to a man, or even, to her peer sisters.


The __ world __ is HERS   !

– ToneAre

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In All Conscientiousness, Interracial Relationships


Never     have    I ever…   dated outside of my race

WAIT__  Have I ??    Nope ”’WELL, wait…

I’m brought back to a discussion I had the pleasure of taking part in, late July of 2009.  If I recall well it was I, in a circle with three Women under the sparkle of a deep black sky in Cuba.  A Dominican sister, a Mexican sister, and a sister who shared Ecuadorian and Puerto Rican roots.

“Have you ever dated white?” was the question; a prompt which to my surprise had acquired a yes from at least one, and if i am not mistaking, I believe two of the others.  My own response is one I’ve often shocked myself realizing, and in effect, was surprised to observe it not seeming to surprise them; “I have not.”

I say this because while I know each of our four to be some of the most race conscious Latino’s I (or you) will ever meet, through the work they’ve done around Pan-Afrikan history/culture/systems of belief,  those three sisters were bar-none greater engaged in our African ancestry than me.   And when you are that militantly bound to your own, love takes on a significance which speaks to preservation and cultivation of ours.   Though even Malcolm had his past.

Incidentally we’re talking about a conversation on interracial love, on an island whose culture is dominated by food, music, lingual aesthetics and genetic traits that are an infusion of Indigenous, European, and African influence  ;  the Mexicana glistening of red clay; la Dominicana, a beige favoring shade of light brown; and the Ecua-Boricua sister an almost strawberry.

I could go on and give some sensational description of my own body suit but for the sake of de-mystifying my assertion, you may poll that I fall somewhere along the more European end of the totem.

..Which is for me where the question hadn’t then, but does now, in-lie.


My first love was an Afro-Boricua (Black Puerto Rican) sister.  Actually, I stand corrected..  or,      do I ??

Her father was half Syrian, half African-American; hence, he was a Black man of African and Syrian ancestry.  I mean, there are Africans of European descent who identify as racially White (check Dave Mathews).   But he was Black on account of his skin being identifiably (by common U.S. American social accounts) BLACK (dark Brown).

And her mother was Puerto Rican, like me.  ..But, in terms of race, what does that mean?   Sure her skin was ‘lighter’ than you’d probably imagine if I told you she might be a Black woman, but it was something of my own, or darker; a hue that browns like buttered bread on a hot pan come the summertime;   her nose, distinctively high and wide.

Before I was with Indra, I had a brief romance with an east Indian and a longer yet none the less loose commitment with a woman who was Ecuadorian and Dominican.  My daughter’s mother is Dominican and Puerto Rican.  At this current time I am seeing a Black woman born in Liberia.

I have never kissed, exchanged numbers with or courted an Italian, Irish, Russian, English, Greek, German, or any other variation of a Caucasian/ White identified woman.

…But here’s the kicker:  I’m not quite sure that means I haven’t been in an interracial relationship.  Each of the African prominent woman I have been with reminded me that from their perspective (respective of them) I am a white, albeit Latino, male!   Which in essence calls me to reflect on how whether I was conscious of it at the time of our discussion under the gorgeous Cuba sky, or not, I indeed have..  been in interracial relationships?   Only, in the context of race in those relationships, the white individual, was I.


It is a question I will wrestle my whole life to digest, is race.  For a lot of Latinos it is that way.

Despite a shared historical generality in so much as the legacy of colonialism over the western world fundamentally shaped the interrelational reality between peoples;  neither the genealogical nor the social dynamics of race have evolved parallel between the respective northern and southern continental America.  Thus, to some degree  the processing of race  amongst people of the Caribbean, Central and South America  bares complexities  that are unique in contrast to how race shows up in the United States.

My biological father bares resemblance to Tom Selleck and my mother is a yellower Phylicia Rashad.  My grandfather, like my father had straight hair, white skin, a narrow nose and he married my mulatta grandmother.  Great grandma looked like an old Hungarian villager and great grandpa, a Moorish Algerian.   The fact that the three generations  who precede me (the only 3 I’ve had a visual of) in my direct lineage, comprise  what would be by U.S. standards determined mixed race couples, is telling.  Our people have been mix breeding for centuries.  And while taboo whispers do circulate about it, we really didn’t/don’t have the same (past and in some cases still, contemporary) legal and institutional barriers to domestic interracial affairs  that Blacks and whites have faced here in the U.S.

All of this to say that I’m coming from a people for whom  the interracial relationship has been relatively normalized.

If anything it is outside of the microcosm of my nation that I begin to see a more typical apprehension of Puerto Rican’s to embrace non-Puerto Ricans, and that’s a whole other conversation (one focused on the influence of nationalism as opposed to race per se).  It took my daughter being conceived to a half Dominican mother to discontinue the absolute Puerto Rican blood-line I was born into.   A conception that is ironically, although not atypically common considering there prevails for some a prejudicial rivalry of sorts.  By the by diasporic Puerto Ricans have for the most part dated within the nation because patterns of migration re-concentrated us amongst our own.  And if we weren’t dating other Ricans we’ve by an overwhelming margin dated within Latino.  But we’ve been here long enough that a couple of factors have begun to influence a change.  Boricuas in the military and those who’ve gone away for college transition to day to day lives with a more diverse demographic and tend to date outside in higher numbers.   There is also the suburbanization of the Puerto Rican family.  And with every generation born here our culture and the notion of nationhood becomes that much more alien to our youth, thereby distancing them from a notion of family that inherits, values, owns, passes forward the identity of it’s ancestry.

Now, nationality is nationality.  As a Puerto Rican, enlightened to the endangerment we already face (eventually losing our language and customs/identity/history, before being totally co-opted by mainland U.S. citizens locating there)  as a prospective 51 st state,  the Puerto Rican family for me, requires our conscious concern as a people.  Although, I honor choice as an individual right and respect all of my people the same irregardless of how you marry/date/mate.

Race is another thing.  After everything I’ve shared concerning race and nationality I must be careful not to blur the two; I must put forward that normalized relative to the U.S. or not racism remains an issue amongst Latinos in our own right, and that as an Boricua who can come here and ‘pass’ and in fact, as a Boricua who on the island would likely be classified as white, I really can’t speak for Black/Brown skinned Ricans in the context of preservation as it relates to race.   While I acknowledge that I am Afro-Boricua by descendance from a Black Rican greatgrandfather and those who came after, it would be disingenuous and perhaps even dangerous for me to totally deny my white skinned privilege.  I must respect that the struggles intricately specific to   someone like Tego Calderon whose afro ( that I don’t have)  triggers in him a consciousness that might rebuke my notion that interracial relationships amongst Puerto Ricans are somehow without resistance.   No intent of righteousness can pardon me from the reality that in doing so I threaten to co-opt and patronize the struggle of Black latinos.  His idea of preservation might provoke him to protest discovering his sister seeing someone of my complexion.

What I CAN speak to though, is how interracial relationships are informed by nationality when we (regardless of color/race) come over to the states.  And it goes the same for how in a larger scope inter-Latino relationships are emboldened when we come here.  A Puerto Rican living on the island may not imagine he/she can project to be with a Dominican, and vise-versa, but when that same Puerto Rican and that same Dominican comes and lives in New York for five years, we generally find ourselves in the same socio-economic circumstance opposite whites (stratified neighborhood and resources/ prejudices) and the same cultural circumstance opposite African-American Blacks (common language, foods, etc).  Such factors tend to bring us together so that although most second generation Latino Americans remain 100% descended of his/her mother nation, a good many ARE born to a Latino mother and father of different countries.   Then inside of that phenomenon you have the duality of cross-mixing between race unifying across nationality, as well as different races of the same nationality finding love within the nation; and so it goes that Black Puerto Ricans marry Black Dominicans and the more Spaniard leaning Puerto Ricans find love amongst Dominicans of the same phenotype…  while on the other hand a white Puerto Rican who in Puerto Rico may have had little probability of marrying an Afro-Boricua , in New York internalizes a greater probability to marry her because in New York the bottom line is that they are both Puerto Rican!

For Puerto Ricans in New York City, there is an especial history of children born to interracial union with African Americans (and to a lesser but significant degree, even, Italians).  We were really the first dominant Latino group to populate this city (40’s & 60’s), preceded by Cubans but by no comparison in measure.  And of course because we were agricultural and factory workers we settled in the low-income areas of the city Black-Americans had been relegated to in the face of discrimination.  In effect, it was us, and Blacks (with whom we share cultural commonalities per the African influence on the island, in the first place); if you dated outside of the nation the chances are you dated an African American.   It wasn’t until the 80’s that Dominicans began to come in waves, while the 90’s really began to usher in Mexicans and other South and Central Americans.


In light of the historical and cultural circumstances I’ve just presented, the question of interracial relationships takes on broad consideration for me.  Either way, love is in and of itself the determining factor for whatever union manifest between people.  Love recognizes the universal emotions which so define it, beyond any human construct.   So I do not rule out that I’d date or marry or have a child with someone outside of my race or nationality;  but I can by this point in my life assess that it doesn’t seem very likely I’d be able to bond with a white identified Caucasian.. it doesn’t seem likely I’d grow an affinity for Asian women even (although I do favor Filipinas).   But I bare that on nobody else..  that’s just me.

I do however, encourage anybody who does date outside of their nation or race, to keep firm to the things you hold sacred; and to take into consideration that such things as language/customs/history, are the right of your children to inherit.  That your sharing a life with somebody of a different background by no means should command you to drop your identity or to compromise it, and it is up to you to reinforce these things in your relationship;  have that other person respect and accept you, and vise versa.


Tone Are



Marriage has declined throughout our society, but more so for African-Americans, and in particular black women, than anyone else. The shortage of stable and successful black men is a big part of the reason. 

– Stanford Law Professor, Ralph Richard Banks

If a black woman happens to be single, it is not necessarily a commentary on black men as eligible partners or an indication that her ultimate goal is marriage in the traditional sense. Some black women are single by choice. Some are unmarried but are in relationships where they choose to cohabit or live separately. Some don’t exclusively date black men. Some are lesbian, bisexual or transgender and may not be interested in relationships with men at all. Black women are not a monolith. We are diverse, dynamic and have options.

– Angela Stanley of the Kirwan Institute for the Study of Race and Ethnicity

A black woman with a postsecondary degree is more likely to be married than a white woman who dropped out of high school. A black woman with a personal annual income of more than $75,000 is more than twice as likely to be married as white women who live in poverty. White women living in New York and Los Angeles have much lower marriage rates than most black women who live in small towns.

– Associate Professor of Psychology at Howard University, Ivory A. Toldson


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Pee-Wee Patriarchy; an epiphany

It was in the middle of Recess that an epiphany which would not be explained until today,

became of an observation made between the cinder-block walls of a middle school gym in Astoria, a month ago.

On assignment to substitute PE, it was the first time any of the students at Our World Neighborhood Charter School had encountered the burly man I sport a track suit on;  My presence a mere assistance to several other staff persons supervising that period, they swatted by me like I was some discarded couch on the curb ((it wouldn’t be hyperbole to imagine some climbing up on and jumping off of, running and rolling over me)).

*THE ‘they’, It had occurred me at some point in the mix of the organized confusion, wasn’t comprising of them all.   While the girls just as the boys, could’ve given less of a matter about me lurking ajar, they, UNlike the boys, didn’t have me dodging an aimless nerf ball or breaking up play fights on the ground.  There was nary even a parting from the cipher they had wrapped themselves tightly into down the far end of the bench.  There may have been a girl or three participating in one of the basket ball games, but the overwhelming majority of ’em had congregated to brush one another’s hair,  and chat.

I was witnessing a whole ‘nother dynamic than the one I had facilitated supervising k through 3, is what I realized, processing a drastic transition in the inference of gender roles, to the direction our prevailing culture of Womanhood finds itself, positioned in relation to that of men.   After-all, k-3’er girls to my recalling, activate just as much, if not more than the boys do between the time equipment comes out and the whistle blows.

I took that home with me, have carried the dichotomy to subsequent assignments which revealed the same duality:  at around the 5th, 6th, 7th grade level, girls, become ‘girls’ (or, the sexist projection we learn to expect them into).  That was a month ago when ‘it hit me’.  But of course, a man depending on the conditioned perspective of a man, will always lead that man to make such an uninformed assertion…

Well today I was informed!  Girls Preparatory Middle School on the Lower East Side (a school where classes are named after historical icons such as Eleanor Roosavelt and Maya Angelou.  In a building where feminism is a site word binding quotes stretched across the tiles at each turn down the hall).  It was my first day today of what I’ve been promised a subbing gig that will likely run into mid-January.  An all-girls school, where I’ll be teaching Physical Education.  An all-girls school where-in each class past the last it crystallized all the more clear for me my first day

that it was never a matter of girls NATURALLY becoming ‘girls’, .  …But rather, an issue of how there prevail underlying factors that pressure an inverse experience per Men and Women (in this case, girls and boys)  in co-sexed spaces.

In seeing the difference in behavior between the students of these  two schools *I REALLY  GOT*, how these  factors are so profound they re-enforce the expectations of our societal norms, from the moment we are introduced to them as children.  And of course, that’s the conversation on how:  modeled in our homes and communities, from our televisions and radios;  implicit in every custom from a wedding to a half-time football show;  are the do’s and dont’s our children will internalize and act out, in the most typical fashions.


…THESE junior high aged Sisters, weren’t the Sisters I observed last month!  These girls today were chasing and racing, pushing and pulling, wrestling and shooting the ball around with the freedom of most boys their age…


Meditate on that for a minute…

Consider what it says about Our World..

Consider what it says about freedom, that the same girl who will hole up in the presence of boys;  subordinate her talents and efforts ___ Flourishes when told that it is all about her.

Consider that maybe we as boys, never have to worry about feeling free to be ___ because from a very young age, where girls are pulled back, we are pushed forth to in the subtlest ways believe, it is all about (we) ?

As a man what role do you see yourself playing in the maturation of the children you encounter in light of these revelations?


I will leave you with the observation I just shared.  I refrain from delving any deeper because, just as it were a snap and a hmm..  that brought me to such a realization, something brief and anecdotal may spark the same for you. 

But stay tuned to The Brother Man blog because I will definitely be touching back on this subject.



Before you leave me check out some of the following statistics on single-sex schools:


(((( National Coalition for Girls Schools and The Higher Education Research Institute at UCLA   2009)))

  • Students from single-sex schools are  more likely to engage in group study, with a full 53% of independent single-sex graduates reporting that they study with other students on a frequent basis, compared with 45% among independent coeducational graduates.
  • Nearly two-thirds (65%) of women graduates of independent single-sex schools report frequently or occasionally tutoring other students in high school, compared with 58% among women who attended independent coeducational schools
  • Nearly 60% of women graduates of independent single-sex schools rate themselves “above average” or in the “highest 10 percent” with regard to intellectual self-confidence, compared to 54% of their independent coeducational school counterparts.
  • Women graduates of single- sex schools are more likely than their coeducational counterparts to report that there is a very good chance they will participate in student clubs or groups while they are in college (70% anticipate involvement in campus organizations, compared to 60% of coeducational alumnae).
  • Female graduates of single-sex schools are more likely than their coeducational counterparts to discuss politics in class and with friends. Political engagement is especially strong at independent schools, where 58% of women graduates of single-sex institutions report that it is “very important” or “essential” for them to keep up to date with political affairs, compared to 48% of women graduates of independent coeducational schools.

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